Today's blog is in two sections. How to be Pretentious, and some serious thoughts.
Today I was thinking about my lack of spirituality. If I really loved Jesus, I would talk about him all the time, right? Because what you care about and like is naturally what you talk about. Therefore, if I were really spiritual, I would be like those people who I find kind of irritating (either because I don't think they're being real, or they're just too good/perfect), who talk about Jesus all the time. Then I realized that looking at them as examples meant that I am not looking at the good things that are happening in my spiritual life. I just feel like a loser all the time then. It is good to have a goal to attain to, but thinking about the things we are good at helps keep up motivated and keeps the road clear to work on what can be improved. I want to improve spiritually, but I don't think a ridiculous goal will help that happen, so maybe I'll just relax about it more and work on it as it happens.
And, now that I have spouted that, I can now fear about being a good proper example. Sorry if/when I fail you. Now onto the next subject, which is how to be pretentious, and therefore totally different and unrelated as a subject.
How to be Pretentious
Pretentious people only drink hoity toity beverages. This is fact. I know more about tea, so it will serve as the example. Let us say that you are at a restaurant.
When ordering beverages, ask the server "Is your tea made with boiling water?". All tea snobs know that the proper way to make most tea is with boiling water, not that hot water that comes out of a tap. When your server replies no, look like they're done something distasteful (sorry servers). Sigh, and say "Very well, I'll get it anyway." You may also choose to order a different beverage at this point, but you will have proved your tea snobbery either way. Remember to make scornful remarks about your below bar tea. This will reinforce your point.
If they bring up tea, remember that you "only" drink loose leaf. You should also choose a colour of tea that is your favourite and make up a reason that it is so. For example, red tea (roibos(sic)), because it is healthy, or green tea because it is healthy. Black tea because it tastes good and has such good blends. White tea because it sounds hoity toity, etc. Just remember that herbal tea is not real tea. Herbal teas are fruit infusions.
And now that I have verbal diarrhea'd enough, Go For a Soda by Kim Mitchell, as way for an apology for yesterday's music video by Kim Mitchell. Go For a Soda totally rocks, unlike Patio Lanterns. Please please watch it, especially since you probably haven't watched any of my other suggested videos. Please watch it.